Perhaps one small flaw or behavior we barely even recognize is the only thing that’s keeping us from where we want to be. In his book “What Got You Here Won’t Get You There”, Marshall Goldsmith has a “to stop” list rather than one listing what “to do”. This “to stop” list is designed to help us overcome our unconscious annoying habits and become more successful. Here’s one habit we can strive to overcome.
While almost every company says it wants people to “challenge the system” and to “be empowered to express your opinion” and “say what you really think,” there sure are a lot of performers who are stuck on sucking up.
If leaders say they discourage sucking up, why does it dominate the workplace? Why they still play favourites? The simple answer is: We can’t see in ourselves what we can see so clearly in others.
Take this test. How many of you own a dog that you love? Now, at home, who gets most unabashed affection? Your partner, kids or your dog? More than 80 percent of the time, the winner is the dog. Now, do you love your dog more than your family. Most likely, it is a resounding NO. So why does the dog get most of your attention? Gives unconditional love? Never talks back? Always happy to see you? In other words, the dog is a suck-up.
If we aren’t careful, we can wind up treating people at work like dogs. Rewarding those who heap unthinking, unconditional admiration upon us. What behaviour do we get in return? A virulent case of the suck-ups.
The net result is manifestly obvious. You are encouraging behaviour that serves you, but not necessarily the best interests of the company. If everyone is fawning over the boss, who’s getting work done? Worse, it tilts the field against the honest, principled employees who won’t play along. This is a double hit of bad news. You’re not only playing favourites but favouring the wrong people!
Leaders can stop encouraging this behaviour by first admitting that we all have a tendency to favour those who favour us, even if we don’t mean to.
We should then rank our direct reports in three categories.
- How much do they like me? Rather, how much you think they like you. Effective suck-ups are good actors.
- What is their contribution to the company and its customers? A players? B, or C?
- How much positive personal recognition do I give them?
What we’re looking for is whether the correlation is stronger between one and three, or two and three. If we’re honest with ourselves, our recognition of people may be linked to how much they seem to like us rather than how well they perform. That’s the definition of playing favourites.
This quick self-analysis won’t solve the problem. But it does identify it — which is where change begins.
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