Making excuses

Perhaps one small flaw or behavior we barely even recognize is the only thing that’s keeping us from where we want to be. In his book “What Got You Here Won’t Get You There”, Marshall Goldsmith has a “to stop” list rather than one listing what “to do”. This “to stop” list is designed to help us overcome our unconscious annoying habits and become more successful. Here’s one habit we can strive to overcome.

Excuses may come in two categories: blunt and subtle.

The blunt excuse: “I’m sorry I missed our lunch meeting. My assistant had it marked down for the wrong date on my calendar.” Message: See, it’s not that I forgot the lunch date. It’s not that I don’t regard you as important, so important that lunch with you is the unchangeable, nonnegotiable, highlight of my day. It’s simply that my assistant is inept. Blame my assistant, not me.

The problem with this type of excuse is that we rarely get away with it — and it’s hardly an effective leadership strategy.

The more subtle excuses appear when we attribute our failings to some inherited DNA that is permanently lodged within us. We talk about ourselves as if we have permanent genetic flaws that can never be altered.

It’s a subtle art to make wilful self-deprecating comments about oneself. And using the stereotype to excuse otherwise inexcusable behavior. We also behave as if we want to prove that our negative expectations are correct.

The next time you hear yourself saying, “I’m just no good at …,” ask yourself, “Why not?” If we can stop excusing ourselves, we can get better at almost anything we choose.