An excessive need to be “me”

Perhaps one small flaw or behavior we barely even recognize is the only thing that’s keeping us from where we want to be. In his book “What Got You Here Won’t Get You There”, Marshall Goldsmith has a “to stop” list rather than one listing what “to do”. This “to stop” list is designed to help us overcome our unconscious annoying habits and become more successful. Here’s one habit we can strive to overcome.

Each of us have a pile of behavior which we define as “me.” It’s the chronic behavior, both positive and negative, that we think of as our inalterable essence.

If we’re poor at returning phone calls — deal with it, that’s “me.”
If we are procrastinators who habitually ruin other’s calendars — “me.”
If we always express our opinion — hurtful or noncontributory — being “me.”

It is easy to cross the line and begin to make a virtue of our flaws — simply because the flaws constitute what we think of as “me.” This misguided loyalty to our true natures — this excessive need to be me — is one of toughest obstacles to making positive long-term change in our behaviour. It doesn’t need to be.

Change becomes possible when you realise that this stern allegiance to your definition of yourself is pointless vanity.

Less me. More them. Equals success.

Keep this in mind when you find yourself resisting change because you’re clinging to a false — or pointless — notion of “me.” It’s not about you. It’s about what other people think of you.