Perhaps one small flaw or behavior we barely even recognize is the only thing that’s keeping us from where we want to be. In his book “What Got You Here Won’t Get You There”, Marshall Goldsmith has a “to stop” list rather than one listing what “to do”. This “to stop” list is designed to help us overcome our unconscious annoying habits and become more successful. Here’s one habit we can strive to overcome.
This is another variation on our need to win. We need to win people’s admiration. We need to let them know that we are at least their intellectual equal if not their superior. We need to be the smartest person in the room. It usually backfires.
Many of us do this covertly and unwittingly all day long.
We do this whenever we nod our heads impatiently while people are talking, whenever our body language suggests that we are hearing something we haven’t heard before. (Are those your drumming fingers I hear?)
Alternative phrasings — “I think someone told me that,” “I didn’t need to hear that,” to the downright arrogant “I am five steps ahead of you.” The problem here is not that we’re merely boasting about how much we know. We’re insulting the other person.
What we are really saying is, “You really didn’t need to waste my time with that information. You think it’s an insight I haven’t heard before. You mistake me, the ever so wise and lovely me, for someone who needs to hear what you are saying right now. I am not that person. You are confused. You have no idea how smart I am.”
The paradox is that this need to demonstrate how smart we are rarely hits its intended target.
Being smart turns people on. Announcing how smart you are turns them off. So, how do you tone the need to tell the world how smart you are?
The first step is recognizing our behavior. Stopping this behavior is not hard — a three step drill in which you (a) pause before opening your mouth to ask yourself, “Is anything I say worth it?” (b) conclude that it isn’t, and (c) say, “Thank you.”
altLearners 